Here’s what I want to know. How the fuck did someone sit there, read or hear the hagiography of Saint Valentine, and think…”I’m gonna build a business out of this business.”
I mean Saint Valentine got busted for marrying Christians, since Christians didn’t have the rights to get married, which is fucking hysterical that the Christians (yes I’m lumping them together for the purpose of this post), now think that it’s okay to violate the rights of others in the same way.
I mean shit, that’s why I had to get two ordinations, like please tell me first that once I spend all of this money on these classes that you are not going to allow same-sex weddings under this ordination. You can suck my balls.
Anyway, I digress. I’m not sure what the correlation between secret weddings in the woods, and buying expensive shit for your partner is, but hey another mother fucking holy day not being represented properly. No big.
I just woke up and am still working on my first cup of coffee, so my indignance might be stuck in the corner of my eye with the sleep.
So…I fucking love hearts, and I love love, and I love the colors red and pink, I love chocolate and I love flowers. I love the smell of rose, I love the ritual of proposals, I adore everything that pops up for Saint Valentine’s Day. I love the grand gestures, the false declarations of undying love, and even the true ones. I love the marketing techniques that the greeting card companies use, and when I was a child, I fucking loved passing out stupid little Valentines to my classmates, wait, you mean that I get to flirt with every single person in my class! PRAISE JESUS!
But I love ritual, so of course I love this day. Other than that, I loathe the pressure to be coupled on this day, I hate that there really isn’t an equivalent holy day for those who do want to remain single, for those who are asexual, for anyone else who, by choice or not, is single.
I’m not one of those people who says that everything’s gotta be fair. Life isn’t fair, the universe isn’t fair, the gods aren’t fair, and the truth is, some people out there, will never find what they’re looking for. They will never be partnered up with their true heart to die in each other’s arms. They will never find someone that finishes their sentences and looks at them with adoration. And that’s okay, it might not seem it sometimes, but it really is. Not everyone is destined for that grand and great romance. Not everyone fits in the idealized, fictionalized, televised, marketed, sold and wrapped in a pretty bow type of romance.
But Valentine’s Day comes around and bitch slaps everyone in the face with a deluge of subliminal and right up in your fucking face messages of ….”you are nothing if you are not loved, and to be loved, you need to be….partnered…..because you are nothing more than a brood cow, a companion, a mail order lover that will have to do for at this season because I am goddamn not spending another Valentine’s Day alone.”
Although our delightful Saint Valentine is the patron saint of lovers, and couples and those who are engaged as well as those who wish to be engaged, happy marriages, reconciliation of marriages, and to draw lovers, he is also a patron saint of beekeepers and bees, against fainting and plague, and of courtly love, which is pretty much just some dude or chick or non-binary doing everything that they can to be ‘good enough’ for someone else, and never being guaranteed a little slap and suck. “Oh thanks for slaying the dragon, capturing a leprechaun and bringing me a werewolf for a pet, but yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh I’m gonna need you to go rub one out, I’m still just not feeling that you’re up to my standards….but hey, there’s still tomorrow.”
Speaking of tomorrow….make sure that the kindness, love, respect and tenderness that you show your partner today…continues through the rest of the year.