Closure…or were you born in a barn?

like most parents, mine were regularly using adages about closing things…specifically doors. the reasons that most parents remind us to close doors are numerous, from the cost of the cool air or the heat getting out, to critters and bugs getting in, but the lesson is clear, close the fucking door behind you.

why do we get caught up in the idea of holding on? why do we get caught up in heading on over that bridge, and sure maybe you might not want to light fire to every bridge you cross, but maybe don’t keep the fucking door open, maybe close that bitch, lock it the fuck up and walk away…turn away and don’t be like Lot’s wife, what the fuck are you looking back for? that door…there’s a reason you walked through it, why you exited, why you needed to shut it behind you and now, you’re looking back at it like it’s a fucking dish of the most amazing flan. fuck that.

you weren’t born in a barn.

or maybe you were.

but I’ve known enough people who were born in a barn, to know that they too, know that you’ve just gotta shut that goddamned door behind you.


Kismet or maybe that mother fucker Cupid

Many years ago, I was driving past a Union Gospel Mission, a guy walked out in front of the car, and if you’ve ridden with me, you know that jaywalking is my trigger and I will scream bloody murder when that jaywalking could have made me a killer.


I didn’t scream.

I stopped and made eye contact with the guy who slowly sauntered in front of my car, while cars behind me honked and angrily drove around me and the pedestrian who now stood in front of my car, our lusty smirks challenged each other’s grit.

And in any other case, oh good God, Baby Jesus in Heaven above, I would not have even blinked in most cases. I would have kept eye contact with that beautiful man until the fine looking local police came and arrested us for public indecent telepathic molestation while blocking traffic.


It was like time stood still. It was ethereal, hypnotic and way too much weird “this is meant to be” energy, and I will face off with Death any day of the fucking week, but I will not play Chicken…with that fucking asshole Cupid.

You see…a lot of folks like to get everyone believing that it’s destiny, kismet, it is the mother-fucking prophecy, you met the person of your dreams, the fire in your loins, and you just know that it was the gods, the guides, the grandparents and Gaia, whew….

And you mean to tell me that you aren’t even going to question, I mean, are you sure it isn’t just the arrows of Cupid?

Mother fucker fell on his own arrow…just saying.

And I sat there, both hands on the steering wheel, and I looked at this beautiful specimen of human and I knew that this was a human that I could feasibly get all caught up in, like a net, and I’m a fish, flopping all over, not being able to breathe….all…because…I didn’t move.

And I am telling you, my whole life flashed before my eyes and I realized, if I spoke to him, like I would at any other time, it would not be like any other time.

You see, something that people don’t realize about destiny, fate, kismet…or even the gods, guides, grandparents and Gaia…we don’t have to listen, we don’t have to take the straight line, the fastest route or the suggested directions.

We can make the universe work harder to make us believe.

We can close our eyes, breaking eye contact and drive away, reaching up to move the rear view mirror, so that we won’t be tempted to look, flipping off Cupid just in case.


Wicked Witch

I was watching a documentary about Mark Twain while I texted with my friend, half-listening to the story behind the legend and honestly, I’m not a fan. I’ve never been a fan and though I love to read, I considered pulling my own tooth just to get out of reading another page of that sweet, down-home, syrupy writing.

So you can imagine my ‘what the fuck’ moment when I burst into hysterics, sobbing at the story of his life, this man that I wasn’t even a fan of. Within the hour I was then laughing, feeling like a giddy cheerleader who just spotted the new quarterback and I was sitting on the toilet when I looked up at myself in the mirror and curses upon the person who thought that shitting in front of a mirror would be a good bathroom design, and I thought, “whoa, I look like a stereotypical witch,” my face smeared with the day’s makeup, swollen from the tears an hour before, but eyes twinkling and laughing as I yell to my roommate from behind the bathroom door.

Holy shit, epiphany time….how the fuck many ‘witches’ throughout history has been accused of being a witch, demon, harpy, succubus, seducer and the list is far too long…because of menopause?

My physical senses weaken while my visions are clearer, readings more precise, workings more expedited and with the discomfort of my aging body, my mystical one is riding high on life.

How many women have felt that frenzy, that chaos of menopause and how many around her have considered her to be possessed, insane, mad, and how many ‘witches’ have been in the ecstatic throes of the cessation of the menstrual cycle, the end of birth control for the purpose of birth control….

insert Public Service Announcement about continuing to use condoms throughout your sexual life because STD’s aren’t ageist and neither is the pleasure of banging the night away.

and how many have considered the beginning of menopause to be the end of their ability to bear children, as if that would be the extent of the power of the human female…to breed…to bear life….oh no….

Why should the focus be about the end…when it is the beginning….the small door of procreation closes and the large, unfettered door of wisdom, of aged women thought to be past our prime, of power that was once distributed to creating the world around us through others, and all at once, when the blood stops flowing and the eggs stop laying….a rush of power floods everything within us, and we can feel everything, with a filter of fluidity, moving easily from moment to moment, not dwelling too long on one, experiencing them but not grasping at them, trying to hold on so tight.

So sure, sobbing one moment, laughing the next, maybe in another time and another world, it would have bothered me, but I just don’t feel like holding on that tightly.

Holy Days

Virginia Statute for Religious Freedom by Thomas Jefferson

An Act for establishing religious Freedom.

Whereas, Almighty God hath created the mind free;

That all attempts to influence it by temporal punishments or burthens, or by civil incapacitations tend only to beget habits of hypocrisy and meanness, and therefore are a departure from the plan of the holy author of our religion, who being Lord, both of body and mind yet chose not to propagate it by coercions on either, as was in his Almighty power to do,

That the impious presumption of legislators and rulers, civil as well as ecclesiastical, who, being themselves but fallible and uninspired men have assumed dominion over the faith of others, setting up their own opinions and modes of thinking as the only true and infallible, and as such endeavouring to impose them on others, hath established and maintained false religions over the greatest part of the world and through all time;

That to compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions, which he disbelieves is sinful and tyrannical;

That even the forcing him to support this or that teacher of his own religious persuasion is depriving him of the comfortable liberty of giving his contributions to the particular pastor, whose morals he would make his pattern, and whose powers he feels most persuasive to righteousness, and is withdrawing from the Ministry those temporary rewards, which, proceeding from an approbation of their personal conduct are an additional incitement to earnest and unremitting labours for the instruction of mankind;

That our civil rights have no dependence on our religious opinions any more than our opinions in physics or geometry,

That therefore the proscribing any citizen as unworthy the public confidence, by laying upon him an incapacity of being called to offices of trust and emolument, unless he profess or renounce this or that religious opinion, is depriving him injuriously of those privileges and advantages, to which, in common with his fellow citizens, he has a natural right,

That it tends only to corrupt the principles of that very Religion it is meant to encourage, by bribing with a monopoly of worldly honours and emoluments those who will externally profess and conform to it;

That though indeed, these are criminal who do not withstand such temptation, yet neither are those innocent who lay the bait in their way;

That to suffer the civil magistrate to intrude his powers into the field of opinion and to restrain the profession or propagation of principles on supposition of their ill tendency is a dangerous fallacy which at once destroys all religious liberty because he being of course judge of that tendency will make his opinions the rule of judgment and approve or condemn the sentiments of others only as they shall square with or differ from his own;

That it is time enough for the rightful purposes of civil government, for its officers to interfere when principles break out into overt acts against peace and good order;

And finally, that Truth is great, and will prevail if left to herself, that she is the proper and sufficient antagonist to error, and has nothing to fear from the conflict, unless by human interposition disarmed of her natural weapons free argument and debate, errors ceasing to be dangerous when it is permitted freely to contradict them:

Be it enacted by General Assembly that no man shall be compelled to frequent or support any religious worship, place, or ministry whatsoever, nor shall be enforced, restrained, molested, or burthened in his body or goods, nor shall otherwise suffer on account of his religious opinions or belief, but that all men shall be free to profess, and by argument to maintain, their opinions in matters of Religion, and that the same shall in no wise diminish, enlarge or affect their civil capacities. And though we well know that this Assembly elected by the people for the ordinary purposes of Legislation only, have no power to restrain the acts of succeeding Assemblies constituted with powers equal to our own, and that therefore to declare this act irrevocable would be of no effect in law; yet we are free to declare, and do declare that the rights hereby asserted, are of the natural rights of mankind, and that if any act shall be hereafter passed to repeal the present or to narrow its operation, such act will be an infringement of natural right.